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Cain

I dreamt of someone I once loved 

In the dream - they had a lover; and a child. 

Sunshine in their eyes, a new house; a happy life. 

I was invited by them last night, for auld lang syne.             (*auld lang syne = old time’s sake)


When they saw me; they smiled, and welcomed me in. 


I did what was expected of acquaintances of the past. 

I brought the child a gift, and smiled at their other halves. 

I played pretend; I joked and laughed; with half a heart. 

I silenced my thoughts, for as long as I could halt. 


Once we bid farewell, I got into my car - which was far enough

for me to push my seat to the back, and cry without a sound, 


What a cruelty to self this comparison can be. I was doing so well before they invited me. I love them both dearly, but why does it hurt so much that they’re happier than me? Where did I go wrong? Where is all of this for me? 


And both of them, they’re so lovely, and undeserving of my misanthropy. I want to be happy for them, but God this MISERY! 


And I realized at that moment 


When a silence broke 

between bouts of my fury, 


That I could love them more freely, 


If it wasn’t for the envy.

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